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2021-01-31

Hugging the hedgehog…

My youngest recently got a hedgehog.  What an interesting creature!  When you look at the picture it is a very cute little fellow, but when trying to make friends it is quite another story!

Our little one is still a baby and we have had her for about two months now and we have not yet been able to tame her.  Every evening at 19:00 we wake her up and help her to get use to our smell, our voices and our touch.  My son wants her to get use to him so he would pick her up with a glove.  Since his hands are too small it is very difficult for him to carry her around, as she would fall out of his hands (and we only have one glove!).  As soon as we make sudden movement the little hedgehog will start huffing and puffing and sticking out her quells.  This can hurt quite a bit!

As I was reading another amazing book during this past weekend, I realized that our foster and adoptive children are so much like this cute little thing.  From a distance they are cute and cuddly and one wishes that one could pick it up and bond with it.  But as soon as one tries to connect, they would stick out their quells and start hissing as if they do not want you to touch their hearts. [Read More…]

2021-01-30

Mistake #5 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #5: Activating the wrong part of the child’s brain

Don’t dance with W.A.L.T.E.R:
W - Warnings
A - Arguing
L - Lecturing
T - Threats
E - Explanations
R - Rescuing

These actions activate the fight, flight or freeze (survival) part of your child’s brain!  Do not use them.  They are ineffective for your child’s developing brain wiring.

INSTEAD:
Use brain healing communication techniques:

1. Loving responses:
” Thank you for telling me how you feel.”
2. [Read More…]

2021-01-29

Mistake #4 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #4 : Not giving your child a voice

If your child was neglected, they likely are caught in a “rage cycle.” When their cries as a baby were not met, they
learned to rage. As a result, when they have a need or are having a feeling now, they tend to default to rage instead of
talking out their feelings or expressing their needs. For some children, instead of raging, they will display manipulative
and sneaky behaviors to act out their feelings instead of talking out their feelings. [Read More…]

2021-01-25

Mistake #3 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #3: Not providing enough structure

If your child was neglected it is very likely that he/she did not learn to accept boundaries as a toddler.  They just roamed around, fending for themselves.  There was no one around to give them the boundaries they needed to help them to learn to accept “no”.  This can lead to a lifetime struggle with opposition and defiance toward authority.

The good news is that you can revisit the toddler years no matter their age.  You can teach your child to happily accept the boundaries and develop respect for authority.  By increasing structure in your home by what we call “stations”, you can train your child to accept “no,” which will lead to a decrease in opposition and an increase in trust and respect.  Amazingly, this will also help rewire your child’s brain so that they can begin to thrive, and not just survive!

“Stations” are defined as a specific activity at a specific place for a specific time.  For example: Legos on a rug until you move to the next activity OR until the child goes out of the boundary.  The boundary should be: You may ONLY play ON the rug. [Read More…]

2021-01-19

Mistake #2 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #2: Not providing enough nurture

If your child was abused or neglected during his/her first three years of life, it is most likely that their cries were not answered and their most basic needs were not met on a consistent basis.  There may have been no one there to look into their eyes, sweetly talk to them and smile at them as babies.  It is very likely that no one rocked them or sang to them or read them picture books.  These nurturing activities were necessary for trust formation and proper brain development.  The good news is that it’s never too late to begin with these first year of life nurturing activities!

First year nurturing activities:
1. Rocking, looking into each others eyes while feeding ice cream 
2. [Read More…]