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2021-09-30

Belonging…

I started studying at the beginning of 2021.  Even though I can see the relevance and importance of sociology in the field I am pursuing, my heart lies with psychology.  One of my psychology modules brought my attention to Belonging…

What does belonging mean?  To belong is to be part of a group, with intimate relationships, to be felt understood, recognized and valued.  It is a place where you are known and know others and where you experience meaningful, mutual support.

Have you ever though what create belonging?  Here is four easy steps to create belonging which all of us so desperately need:
1. Be vulnerable.  Spend time on deepening intimacy and open yourself up to others. [Read More…]

2021-02-05

Fostering love, hope and trust is a long term commitment

Yesterday one of our babies that we fostered during the level 5 lock down, last year during April, came to visit.  I never thought that a wild bird would still be tame after seven months that it has been gone!  We raised this little dove since it was a baby still in the nest, for three months after which it was let go.  My son was playing with a bird trap, yesterday, and guess who he has trapped?!  Our little baby!

This made me think of a real life-story I heard from a foster parent a few months ago.

They have been fostering this girls since she was 13 years old.  When she left school she had a hard time adjusting and had many up’s and downs from which she had to be rescued by her foster parents.  Each time they would go and pick her up and bring her back home.  Up to such an extent that they came to a point where they wanted to give up on her.  At this point she met a wonderful man and married him.  They had a baby and he is taking care of them so well.  She has developed into a beautiful young adult and at last she became responsible and a contribution to society.  When I spoke to this foster parent, he just said: “I know now, that they will ALWAYS come back to you.”  This was so encouraging to me. [Read More…]

2021-01-31

Hugging the hedgehog…

My youngest recently got a hedgehog.  What an interesting creature!  When you look at the picture it is a very cute little fellow, but when trying to make friends it is quite another story!

Our little one is still a baby and we have had her for about two months now and we have not yet been able to tame her.  Every evening at 19:00 we wake her up and help her to get use to our smell, our voices and our touch.  My son wants her to get use to him so he would pick her up with a glove.  Since his hands are too small it is very difficult for him to carry her around, as she would fall out of his hands (and we only have one glove!).  As soon as we make sudden movement the little hedgehog will start huffing and puffing and sticking out her quells.  This can hurt quite a bit!

As I was reading another amazing book during this past weekend, I realized that our foster and adoptive children are so much like this cute little thing.  From a distance they are cute and cuddly and one wishes that one could pick it up and bond with it.  But as soon as one tries to connect, they would stick out their quells and start hissing as if they do not want you to touch their hearts. [Read More…]

2021-01-30

Mistake #5 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #5: Activating the wrong part of the child’s brain

Don’t dance with W.A.L.T.E.R:
W - Warnings
A - Arguing
L - Lecturing
T - Threats
E - Explanations
R - Rescuing

These actions activate the fight, flight or freeze (survival) part of your child’s brain!  Do not use them.  They are ineffective for your child’s developing brain wiring.

INSTEAD:
Use brain healing communication techniques:

1. Loving responses:
” Thank you for telling me how you feel.”
2. [Read More…]

2021-01-29

Mistake #4 5 Mistakes foster parents make (and how to avoid them)

Mistake #4 : Not giving your child a voice

If your child was neglected, they likely are caught in a “rage cycle.” When their cries as a baby were not met, they
learned to rage. As a result, when they have a need or are having a feeling now, they tend to default to rage instead of
talking out their feelings or expressing their needs. For some children, instead of raging, they will display manipulative
and sneaky behaviors to act out their feelings instead of talking out their feelings. [Read More…]